Printed out 78 pages…17 chapters this afternoon. Now reading through it in hard copy and wondering if it’s all just so much crap and do I need to start over. Oh cursed cursed 78 pages of hard copy. What about being on a computer screen makes you so much more readable than the cold hearted white washed printed A4 slip of paper?
I think I am editing now because it is my life that needs an edit. I think I want to start over in my created world because I want a do over in my physical world. Where’s the backspace?
I guess the closest I can get is a good loud sing along with Pearl Jam. Come on Eddie let’s yell it out! I want’a put some fixin’ on this….manuscript….and life.
I abandoned tumblr long ago but came back through tonight for a visit. Since I was here last so much has happened and yet not much tangible to show for it. A couple of new publishing credits to my name. A few new risks taken. Several fears faced and new ones waltzing in to fill the empty space left by those now conquered. Mostly more questions and ideas and doubts.
I’m in that place in life…that moment…when you know what you want. And you want it so much that you can’t do anything else without being followed by this tangible knowing that you want it. All the time…like your heartbeat…it is there. And you could of had it…back when you didn’t know it was what you wanted. And now that you know it is THE thing…it might be too late. And if it is too late…what do you do? And if it turns out that you are wrong…it’s not too late…what do you do? And what the hell do you do in the interim; the waiting to learn if it is or isn’t still a possibility for you?
Either way…it is going to consume me I think.
I have come to believe there are two kinds of women in the world.
The Pride and Prejudice type and the Wuthering Heights type.
Which do you think you are and why?
So I spent three hours in Barnes & Noble today. Not just B&N but in the section with all those books that have titles like, “How To Get Your Novel Published Even Though You Haven’t Written a Word” and “Dude, Where’s My Manuscript?” Three hours of looking through workbooks on how to form a plot, develop conflict, use quotation marks, ignite the sparks of creativity. Finally, I picked up one book which basically said, quit your lazy-butt reading of this stupid book on how to write (but thanks for buying it!) and actually write something.
No matter how many books I read on writing. None of them are going to write this book for me. So…I better do it myself.
